Recently, while conducting some research for a future post on this site, I started to wonder, “how does ADHD affect a marriage. At first I was planning to write about spouses with ADHD. But then I came across some findings that on one hand, surprised me. But then I starting to think about MY experience as the main caregiver to a child with ADHD, and then I realized these findings? Weren’t surprising at all.

According to a recent article published by the Washington Post: “Couples who have a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are nearly twice as likely to divorce or separate as couples who do not have children with the psychiatric disorder.” Why? “Having a child who is inattentive or hyperactive can be extremely stressful for caregivers and can exacerbate conflicts, tensions and arguments between parents.”

Psychologists Brian Wymbs and William Pelham, launched the research, tracking families with and without children diagnosed with ADHD. According to the study and the article I just linked to, 12.6 percent of the parents of children without ADHD were divorced by the time the children were eight years old, the figure was 22.7 percent for parents of kids with the disorder.

The study also found that “regardless of whether they were dealing with easy or difficult children, parents who had ADHD children at home were three times as likely to be negative toward each other as parents who did not. Put another way, the parents of children with ADHD simply had less ability to respond to challenges with equanimity; they appeared to be psychologically worn thin.”

My husband has a very demanding  job. I’m the main parent. There are many times I’m the only parent present for days. So the term, “worn thin”?  Yeah. You’ve got that right.

But like John Grohol writes at Psych Central, “The answer isn’t just in a bottle of Adderall” (Medication can help manage some of the symptoms but it isn’t a permanent fix.)  “A parent must rise to the challenge, and be prepared to work not only on helping their child with ADHD, but also on their own marital relationship.”

How do you do protect the state of your marital union? If you suspect your child has ADHD, bring up your concerns with your child’s pediatrician. From there, your pediatrician will be able to refer you to a testing site, therapist or pediatric neurologist. (Check with your insurance company as you proceed.) A diagnosis can help parents and the child understand certain behaviors as well as address issues. Another part of the equation is for the caretaker to take time for oneself. Recharge the ole emotional batteries.

Because trying to communicate with your spouse in front of your ADHD child can be stressful (lots of interruptions) and frustrating, date nights are especially important. But if you can’t find a sitter, just getting together to talk and enjoy each other’s company on a regular basis can go a long way in nurturing your bond.