Christmas day. The nuclear faux family sits by the exquisitely-decorated tree, expressing delight and happiness over what gifts have been unwrapped. The well behaved children play quietly with their toys. The dad gazes into the mother’s eyes with love and adoration. Everyone’s clothing is coordinated. There are no wrinkles, muffin tops, beer guts, or rogue nose hairs. It is a beautiful moment. (Like in this photo.)

Except that this moment, which is heavily featured on television and in magazines, is nothing like most people’s life. Because in real life the children have awakened at an ungodly hour, ripped through the presents and one toy is already broken. The sleep-deprived parents are still fighting over the snippy comment dad made the night before while trying to put together the bike for junior. There’s a mountain of laundry unwashed so one kid is wearing swimtrunks; another is sporting an old dance recital costume. And oh great, the baby just threw up on himself and now the dog is “cleaning up” the mess.

I don’t know why ad execs and Hollywood types set these sort of scenes. But these images always irritate me. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Not every adult is a parent. Not every parent is coupled. Not every couple is happy. Not every child is physically perfect, nor issue-free. And not every family celebrates Christmas. Heck, not every family can afford a Christmas. 

This time of year, it is easy to get caught up in the quest to give our loved ones the “perfect Christmas.”  It is easy to visualize what the perfect holiday “should” look like, especially when we see it plastered all over our television screens and in magazines.

That’s alot of pressure. And for what? If something goes wrong, we feel guilty. We feel like we’ve failed. That’s no fun. And? That means much more pressure the next year. 

Well, screw that! This year I’m taking a new approach. We’ve still put up lights and bought presents. We’re just not going overboard.  (You won’t see hubs and I trading elaborate gifts on the 25th. But you will probably see alot of Legos scattered across the floor.)

The emphasis this year has been on finding a balance between holiday season and real life — celebrating in our own way. That’s meant skipping out on a few social obligations so we could have more family time, mindful spending, and forgoing the holiday baking. (Because I have enough dirty dishes piled up in the sink.) So far the plan is working. 

When Seth is an adult and looks back on his childhood Christmases, he won’t remember what the tree looked like. He won’t remember whether the house was clean or how many gifts he’s gotten. But he will remember the times we spent together laughing, lounging and loving every minute of each other’s company. And to me? That’s what is most important.

*Stock photo by Getty Image.