Between making sure you have enough diapers, sunscreen, and Goldfish crackers in your bag to keep everyone sane and actually getting where you are going, a few things inevitably slip by the wayside. It’s rare circumstance when parents actually mean to be rude, but getting the tribe out of the house can be such a production that manners and decorum don’t just fall by the wayside, they get slapped aside harder than a new born baby’s bottom in a sitcom.

With spring in full swing families are venturing out of the house more and daring to make their way back into the public realm for events, concerts, and all other manner of romps around the city. Everyone remembers being the carefree, kid-less onlooker who sat sipping margaritas and flashed looks that could kill to the family of four two tables over on the patio (and denying it only stands in your way of redemption).

While families have the right to enjoy just about everything the kid-free can (there are the questionable establishments that just aren’t right), here are a few, timely etiquette reminders to make coexisting a little bit easier:

1. Yo Gabba Gabba does not equal STS9. When I was teaching etiquette to 6, 7 and 8 grade kids, one topic we discussed was the different behaviors expected at different events. The example I used then was a concert by the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra versus a high school basketball game, and the difference that families often forget is that just because Sister Sally was an angel at Yo Gabba Gabba doesn’t mean she is going to hang quite as well at a Sound Tribe concert… and somtimes you are going to have to accept that. I, for one, believe that a kid’s exposure to music shouldn’t be limited to furry, singing creatures or CD’s that end with the tagline, “For Kids,” in fact, I think kids should be listening to just the opposite. However, if you want to take her to a concert, you have to make sure to quell Sally’s screams for bed during a musical breakdown and keep her from running around like a mad-woman, or you might actually be deserving of those evil glares. Also bear in mind that you are at a concert- when was the last time you were at a concert (other than Yanni) where smoking and drinking wasn’t going on around you? You forfeit the right to be nasty about certain adult concert behaviors when you enter the venue with the kiddos. Kids shouldn’t have to stay at home, but parents need to remember they aren’t in the land of the Wiggles either. Your best bet? Try to attend as many outdoor concerts as possible so you can give the kids a little more freedom, and remember what it was like to go to a concert before you brought them into this world (and subsequently started threatening to take them out of it).
2. There is an art to dining out with the kids. How often do you leave your kid strapped into a chair with nothing to play with? And what is the reaction that you expect from them if you do? Chances are if you have your little one strapped into a chair at home there is something around (a favorite small toy, crayons, various sharp objects…) to amuse them, and eating out is no different. Many times parents are bewildered that their child gets so cranky and bored they begin crying and slinging peas just to pass the time, but remember that dining out is boring for some adults, too. And just because your kids are too young to know basic table manners doesn’t exclude you from going out, it just means you have to think ahead. Your best bet? Let your little one pack a small backpack with a book and a couple of toys- not only will packing the bag get them mentally prepared for going out, but the other diners will thank you… And you might actually be able to have a conversation with your dining partner.
3. Just because the place was built for kids doesn’t make it a free for all. We talked about some tips for when you are out at “all ages” places, but that doesn’t mean that the heathen is free to bust out of their shell at a kids-only type place. Rude behavior at places like the Magic House and St. Louis Science Center is still that- rude behavior. Remember that there are other parents and families around, and screaming at def-con 3 noise levels is more than just grating- it encourages other kids to scream at def-con 5 levels, and eventually it turns into an explosion. Sure, these places are engineered specifically to offer maximum fun for the kids, but rude isn’t fun and keeping the kids on their best behavior will save you energy and embarrassment. Your best bet? Make sure your kids are obeying your house rules and the rules of the house. Encourage them to actively engage in activities that were designed for them rather than letting them get all spun up until their heads explode.

Getting out and about with the kids is a learning experience and a great excuse to teach them the basic rules of etiquette and about normal social behaviors. Practicing please, thank you, and giving a seat to an elder on the bus is invaluable for kids to understand. And remember- being a family doesn’t excuse you from being aware of those around you.

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