As a first time mom it is hard not to award yourself the worst.mom.ever. award at just about every turn. No sooner than you get to thinking you have it all figured out than you get one of those gazillion email newsletters you have signed up for telling you how badly you are ruining your kid. I have only been called Mom for two months now and I have an entire trophy case. The latest award comes courtesy of my infant’s TV viewing preference (well, that and the fact tat when she gets mad at me I have to stifle a giggle at how cute her mad face is).

Call it laziness, or call it the fact that while I was pregnant it didn’t really dawn on me that I needed to get a babysitter lined up for those days when I have multiple deadlines (even though I wrote a whole stinking article about it). Either way I stumbled into the world of self employed mom with colicky baby completely unprepared. There are days when I actually need quiet stretches when the baby isn’t attached to my boob or in my arms.

Silly me, thinking that putting her in the swing or on the tummy time mat at my feet would work. Silly me, not noticing I was typing the words to the songs I was singing to her while working. Who would have thought singing and writing don’t mix? I turned on the iPod but couldn’t tune it out. Then I thought… why not turn on the TV? It sings, and I have become quite adept at tuning that sucker out.

And the glowing light came streaming into the room with sounds of an angelic choir hitting a low-C note. It worked. Barney & Hip Hop Harry actually did a better job than I ever could to settle my little crying poop machine during tummy time- even better than my undivided attention and desperate soothing songs. And I could work at the same time.

Then I remembered my own pre-child criticism of moms who would do the very same thing. Back before birthing this baby I couldn’t fathom how those “bad mommies” would let such a little child watch television. Sure, I hung with Bob, Gordon, Maria, Telle, and the puppet crew when I was a young one but according to the studies I was lucky I made it out alive, right?! Yet I can’t bring myself to turn off that glowing, singing, box of light and sanity- and I will only admit that I let her watch it because it actually keeps her content while logging the requisite tummy play minutes (even though we all secretly know I have to somehow fin time to work, too).

There are more than 4,000 studies on the “devastating” effects of television on the babies. Those studies also show that 70% of child care centers use television through the course of their day (so I would be paying someone to plop my little one in front of the tube?). And they also say that I am evidently fostering a dependence on Elmo and The Wiggles that is similar to a substance abuse addiction. Or maybe a furry fetish? Awesome.

Oh Caillou, what’s a mother to do? I have calls in on the nanny front, but how devastating would it be to learn the nanny has joined the ranks of Barney and Hip Hop Harry at being better than me at soothing my fuss-bucket during tummy time? Out-mommed by imaginary dinosaur, rapping bear AND the nanny- I couldn’t handle it.

And then there is the guilt of telling the nanny no television when I know darn good and well that stupid singing bird is actually a big, feathered harbinger of Zen- bearing one of few peaceful moments they will probably see since my child is intent on making her boredom known at all times. I know that she isn’t seeing it and only listening at this point, but if the daycare is going to use it at least I am doing one better by breastfeeding her during commercial breaks.

I’ve learned, judge not a mother lest ye be judged by TV Free America… and maybe Judge Joe Brown. Kids watching television- it’s nothing short of a parenting debacle.

Image Credit: Angel Kisses Maternity