It’s been a rough few weeks with a certain child that resides under my roof. Maybe it’s the adjustment to a looser schedule. Maybe it’s the lack of routine. Maybe it’s the lunar path. Hard to say what exactly is causing all the strain, but what I can say without doubt is: I might be losing my mind!

My first born is full of spunk.  He’s smart, funny, outgoing and could make friends with a brick wall.  He gets that from his daddy.  He’s also a little bit spicy, energetic, stubborn and could argue with the top attorney in the world…and win.  He gets that from his mother.  Dang it.

After a morning that dragged on a bit like the Battle of Armageddon, we had a lull this afternoon.  It was a draw.  We were both tired and weary, though neither one of us was ready to raise the white flag – me because to do so would be detrimental to my status as “the one in charge” and him because he still doesn’t know any better.

“You want to play together, mom?” he asked all sweet like.  I agreed and he pulled out the box of LEGO’s.  “Let make a Jedi Cruiser.”

And we did.  We made two actually.  It only took fifteen minutes of my time, but for those fifteen minutes we were fully engaged with one another.  We laughed, we talked, we high-fived and cheered each other on as we assembled the biggest, baddest LEGO cruiser’s this side of the Mississippi.  And when it was all said and done, he ran to his bedroom and came out holding a smaller Star Ship. 

“This is Jango Fett’s ship mom.  I want you to have it as a trophy because you’re the best Jedi Cruiser builder ever.”  Then he hugged me and looked up at me over the splatter of freckles on his nose.  “I’m sorry I had a bad attitude today.  I really, really love you.”

I almost gave him my white flag then and there. 

It was a great reminder to me that sometimes all my kids need is a few minutes of me.  I spent all day with my child.  We worked on his reading and math homework together this morning.  We went to the library and had lunch together.  And those things were all meaningful and necessary.  But the fifteen minutes I spent doing the one thing that he loves to do were all it took to turn the day around.  He needed me to be with him, all of him.

As our children get older, the interactions we have with them become much more intentional.  It’s easy to interact with my two year old.  A lively round of peek-a-boo fills his love tank up for hours.  And my four year old needs nothing more than for me to tickle her arm or her back for a few minutes to feel loved.  But my six year old?  Well, I have to dig a little deeper.  I possess more Star Wars knowledge now than I ever have in all my life.  I could kick some serious intergalactic tail with what I know.  Not because I love Star Wars, of course.  But I do, however, really love my kid.  So I will discuss the dangers of flying a Jedi ship so low to the Death Star and how to kill a giant slug named Jabba the Hutt every day if that’s the way I can minister to his heart.

Gary Chapman, author of the best selling books, The Five Love Languages and The Five Love Languages for Kids, puts it this way: All of us are different. If we don’t enter into each other’s world of interests we will never develop a close relationship. In the early stages of life, you must go to the child’s interests. When they are in the sand box, then you enter into the world of sandcastles. Later on, we can bring them into our world, but the process must always be a two-way street.

As my children grow and their interests evolve, I will learn to evolve with them.  While I am aware that behavioral challenges will not always be solved by using “The Force,” I also realize that my interest in their interests will make a powerful impact on our relationships.

So if you, like me, are struggling with the day to day, or even moment to moment, interactions with your child, take some time to think about what interests them and give them your undivided attention.  The impact on your day may be momentary, but the impact on their hearts will be eternal.

May the Force be with you!  

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