According to the United States Centers for Disease Control, one out of every American five couples (7.3 million women and their partners) suffer from infertility issues. Infertility affects the male or female reproductive system almost equally.

On Wednesday we discussed the agony of infertility and how reproductive woes can affect a couple’s relationship. The couples interviewed divulged that they discovered a silver lining in spite of the struggle. Their experiences helped them learn how to communicate better with each other while instilling a sense of unity – they were working together to actualize their dream.

If you and your partner are in the midst of the infertility issues, you may be wondering how you can protect your marriage from the stress and strain. The following recommendations are from couples (in St. Louis and the surrounding area) who’ve been married to each other for years and have been down this road. (Some couples interviewed have been down this road more than once!) 

Talk to each other often: 
* “Most definitely communicate your expectations about any/all treatment with each other.” - Jennifer, IL
* ”Lean on each other, keep communication open.  Don’t be afraid to talk and get your feelings out.” – Linlee, St. Louis Mo
* “We learned from the first attempt at IVF years ago that we both deal with disappointment and hurt differently. She needed to talk. I clammed up. We learned to cut each other some slack.” – Nick, St Louis, Mo

Know your limits as a couple: 
* “Know what your stopping point is, whether it be injectables, in vitro, etc.  Communicate well, and support each other through the entire process.” – Jennifer  
* “Only take the steps you are both willing to take. Once one pushes the other past that point, there can be resentment. Everything needs to be talked through completely so both of you know where the stopping point will be.” – Mike, Illinois 
* “Set up your own time table on when you want to take the next step! Only do what you feel comfortable with. IVF is not necessarily for everyone- it wasn’t for us!  TRUST your instinct, TRUST your partner, TRUST your doctor!”  – Kate, Breese IL

When it comes to the doctor stuff: 
* “I think it is helpful when my husband goes to appt. with me. Even if they are simple. You never know when the emotions are going to kick in. I’ve really lost it in the dr. office before.” – Stacey, IL 

Attitude makes a big difference: 
* “Just learn to roll with it… NO ONE should ever have to deal with infertility, but there is obviously a bigger picture out there that we can’t see yet.” – Kate 
* “Don’t get down on yourself when something doesn’t go as planned, in this process it usually seems 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  Keep a positive attitude, about yourself, and with your partner.” – Jennifer 

Show The Love: 
* “This time around we have both made an effort to do more of those little things that make each other feel loved. I’ll often call her on her lunch break to tell her I’m thinking of her. A week ago I left a sappy card and a rose in her car.  When I’ve had a long day, she walks the dog so I can relax. The other day she baked my favorite kind of cake. We’ve become affectionate toward each other – a quick kiss here, an extra hug there.” Nick

Run away from home together: 
* “One thing that we did before I was pregnant and then again before our little one was born was to take a mini, local vacation together.  We didn’t really have the money or vacation time to take off out of town, but we still just needed a break from reality.  So, we rented a hotel room downtown STL, got someone to babysit the dogs and went out to a fancy dinner and stayed in a hotel room overlooking the arch.” – Amber, O’Fallon MO

Stay connected to close friends
* “… the rollercoaster of infertility definitely knocked us down more than a few times… but having a strong support system makes the failed cycles a little easier. - Kate
* We reached out to some friends who are going through the same issues. We’ll go to dinner or have them over. That has been a big help for us. We can commiserate and laugh about some of the stranger parts of the process.” - Nick

Last but not least:    
* As hard as it is, be patient. I think many people think they will start treatment right away. Most doctors require many tests that can take months.  Be ready for the rollercoaster of emotions. Cry everyday if you need to, whatever it takes to get you through it.” – Linlee

Photo from guardian.co.uk