“Scientists estimate that 80 percent of all infectious diseases are transmitted through hands, so it’s important for children to learn to keep their hands clean all year long,” said renowned pediatrician and author of more than 40 books on childcare, William Sears, M.D. “Soap and water are not always accessible throughout the school day, so an effective way to keep hands clean and germ-free is to use an antibacterial wipe like Wet Ones® hand wipes, which parents can pack in lunchboxes and book bags.”

In addition to teaching children about clean hands, parents can follow other simple tips to start the new school year off on the right foot. Dr. Sears offers the following five tips to keep students healthy, from brain to body:

1. Begin the Day with a Brainy Breakfast: Children who start the day with a “brainy breakfast” that includes protein, fiber-filled carbs, Omega-3 fats and minerals like calcium and iron, do better in school and have fewer sick days.

2. Keep Hands Clean: The first and easiest line of defense against the spread of germs is washing hands often, but when soap and water are not available, antibacterial wipes like Wet Ones® hand wipes are an effective alternative. Wet Ones® antibacterial wipes are proven to be just as effective as gel hand sanitizer in killing 99.99 percent of germs but they also clean away dirt and messes and won’t dry out skin like alcohol-based hand sanitizers. Keep them around the house, in lunchboxes and in pockets.

3. Feed Your Child Immune-Boosting Foods: The best way to boost the immune system is to increase the intake of fruits, vegetables, seafood and yogurt.

4. Keep Little Noses and Sinuses Clear: Germs often settle first in the nose and sinuses, so it’s important to keep kids’ nasal passages clear by either flushing them out with a saltwater solution or loosening secretions with a facial steamer or vaporizer.

5. Keep Your Children Active: Movement mobilizes the immune system. Kids who sit too much – especially indoors – get sick more often. Movement also mellows the mood, as stress depresses the immune system.

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Try a random post

Those things happened, eventually. But the teen years were hard. Very hard.

I imagine some readers are thinking that the teen years are almost always hard. Yes, this is true. I’ve turned this over in my head too. How does one isolate what is the normal angst of raising teens and what is due to the blended families? I have often thought that while we surely experienced some hardship that was pinned on the blended family, that similar hardship could easily have occurred in an intact family.

It doesn’t matter. As they say, perception is reality and in the case of a blended family, it’s all you have to work with.

I couldn’t write about the situation without input from those I shared it with, so I did have some long dialog with my daughters about it. Some of that was pretty difficult to hear and I had to let it sit for awhile before I could write this piece. I suppose it would be meaningful to share with you some of those soundbytes, too, to make this article a full 360 degree view.

My oldest daughter said “To a certain extent, I felt that because you were so concerned with creating a united front with Bill, that spilled over into my perception of our relationship. I know that a lot of that is because in a marriage one person opens up to the other and can fully explain and help the other understand their reasons for doing things and why they feel the way they do. As kids, we didn’t get to see any of that. Maybe that’s all families. So I guess that would be my best word of advice…that blended families require much more openness in the lines of communication. Everyone seems to think that kids don’t or shouldn’t know stuff, but thinking back, I knew a lot about what was going on. But since I didn’t know the full details I was forced to fill in the blank spots with my own ideas of what was happening, and likely filled them with thoughts and ideas that were worse than the reality of the situation.”

My 2nd daughter experienced it very differently from her sister. One of her points is that everyone does experience it differently, even within the same household but also across different blended families. She said “I guess this is probably a theme for a lot of people too. Feeling like the new life is valued higher than the old life. It’s not like I ever thought you didn’t care about me or love me, but I definitely didn’t feel prioritized. And, FYI, I’m completely talking about how I felt as a teenager. I’ve gained a lot more understanding and sympathy as I’ve gotten older. I also don’t regret any of it because I’m very happy with the person I am today. I definitely notice its effects though. It’s made me more
dependent in my relationships and I eventually realized that it was a big driving force behind my desire to have a family – I guess wanting to create what I felt like I didn’t get to experience.”

In discussing the challenges of isolating what is due to the blended family situation and what might have been a challenge even in an intact family, she says “I think you are right that people tend to blame normal family issues on the idea of a stepparent. The situations and struggles are often exactly the same as “normal” families. But there is still a distinction that needs to be made in the feelings attached. I think you expect parents and stepparents to have a little more sympathy and understanding coming into a situation of divorce. I think people have more resentment because they were already in a difficult situation, and then on top of that, their parents didn’t prioritize their feelings and their emotional development highly enough.”

After I absorbed all that, along with a few margaritas, I went back and asked my daughters if there were any things they thought we did well. There were, and for that I am glad. I only hope those positives were enough to offset my mistakes.

I suppose at the end of the day, if someone were to ask me for my advice, I would tell them that open communications is essential. Don’t try to shield the children from too much – they are left with partial knowledge and tend to fill in the blanks themselves. I would also say that it’s not a time to be too authoritarian – there must be some extra doses of compassion given the circumstances.

Lastly, there needs to be ongoing effort without the expectation that you will ever achieve a Brady-like existence. Chances are you won’t. You probably won’t even come close, and that’s OK. The main goal is that everyone puts forth his or her best efforts and each child should feel appreciated and cherished. That isn’t unique to blended families – that is the goal of all families. It’s just a little more difficult for those of us trying to achieve it from inside the martini shaker.

We survived. Somehow, in the end, despite all my mistakes, I still have the best daughters a mother could ask for and a life-partner who loves and respects me beyond measure. Somehow, we all came out on top. And while I don’t always subscribe to the ol’ adage ‘the end justifies the means’, I am just pretty darn giddy to have achieved the end that we seem to have achieved.

Those of you in the midst of it – good luck. You’re going to need it. (An occasional martini or three wouldn’t hurt either. Shake all you want – you’ll need a means of releasing your stress!)

Photo of Life with Derek from Fanpop.com

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2.5 ounces of gin
½ ounce of dry vermouth
1 green olive

And then, in a very British accent, one might add “Shaken, not stirred.”

Blended martinis are very easy, especially when compared to blended families. Based upon my personal experience, the one part they hold in common is that last part: shaken, not stirred.

I am no expert in either, but I have some experience in the blending of a family. I knew going in it was going to be difficult. That’s what all the experts say. Plus, I had seen with my own eyes some of the ways that it could go awry. It is very seldom anything like the famous Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda movie, Yours, Mine, and Ours. It’s never like The Brady Bunch.

In fact, in my experience, there was quite a bit more door slamming, quite a bit more tense talking through gritted teeth. Mostly, there was quite a bit more anxiety – never knowing the right thing or the best thing to do.

My divorce was finalized in 1991, though it had been coming for a long time. My two daughters were 6 and 8 when it was official. I knew that I wanted to remarry – I wanted more children; I longed for a real partnership. So it wasn’t surprising to me to find myself entering into a new marriage a mere two years after the divorce was final.

Enter: Bill.

As a husband, he is everything I could have wanted. He is supportive and emotionally present. He is loyal and involved. He does laundry and even buys tampons when requested of him. Why, just last weekend, he helped me with a very necessary suppository. (I don’t want to talk about it except to say: now THAT’S love.)

When people ask me about the blended family thing, I always say that we never solved it, we merely survived it. I believe this to be true.

It is all years behind us. The older girls have long since moved out from under this roof and we all have good relationships with each other. There are no grudges, no hard feelings. I think each of us knows that it wasn’t easy for the others in the situation either. In fact, in preparing for this very article, I had the chance to open up the topic with my girls who are now 25 and 27. They are exceptional women, oozing with maturity and intelligence. I’m sure that having them apply some of that to the hind-sight has tempered their memories a little. I’d guess that had we gone down this road several years ago and delved into the topic, it would have been a lot more acrimonious.

I don’t mean for it to be a situation of alls-well-that-ends-well. I mean, if I could go back, I would do some things differently. I have spoken to quite a few people in blended families, both adult children of them and parents in them now, and there appear to be some common themes. As such, opening the dialog, sharing the difficulty of it, might prove helpful to someone else. At the very least, it might make them feel less alone inside of it.

I am hoping that writing this out, in part, will be healing to my own family. I, as a mother, did not do everything right – far from it. Perhaps putting words on paper and sharing them with the world is a small way to take responsibility for the parts I did not do right. I am grateful more than I can say that my girls bear me no ill-will over the sins of my past.

What I find intensely interesting is that we all experienced it so differently! Lesson number one: compare notes; early and often. The responsibility for communication is so much greater in this situation. As a parent, I felt so very caught-in-the-middle. The two sides pulling were this: was I primarily an advocate for them? Or was I primarily part of a cohesive marriage that led them in unity?

I was both. When there was familial disagreement, I tried to mediate and keep a united front for the kids. I didn’t want them to see my indecisiveness. I didn’t want them to know I didn’t have a clue what I was doing navigating these choppy waters. But when I was alone with my husband, I was a vocal advocate for them, for the girls. I wanted to coach him on parenting techniques. I wanted to smooth out his rough edges.

The problem, I know now, is that my daughters did not see me advocating for them. They needed to – during this time of upheaval more than ever. They needed to know I was on their side, even if it was on their side standing against my husband.

Part 2 will post on Wednesday.

Linda Doty wears many hats: wife, mom, sister, friend, daughter, boss, employee, jester (because jester hats are cool!). She’s been married for 25 years (to two different men – but wants credit for all the time served!) and has five daughters who range in age from 6 to 27. She works full time out of the house (she tells everyone she’s an astronaut, but that is simply not true) and travels quite a bit for her job. She writes because she enjoys it, and while she has been published in several local publications, her personal website is where she does most of her writing. (http://www.justlinda.net) Find her on Twitter at @JustLindaSTL.

*Picture found on www.thehipstermom.com

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On Wednesday we discussed the agony of infertility and how reproductive woes can affect a couple’s relationship. The couples interviewed divulged that they discovered a silver lining in spite of the struggle. Their experiences helped them learn how to communicate better with each other while instilling a sense of unity – they were working together to actualize their dream.

If you and your partner are in the midst of the infertility issues, you may be wondering how you can protect your marriage from the stress and strain. The following recommendations are from couples (in St. Louis and the surrounding area) who’ve been married to each other for years and have been down this road. (Some couples interviewed have been down this road more than once!) 

Talk to each other often: 
* “Most definitely communicate your expectations about any/all treatment with each other.” - Jennifer, IL
* ”Lean on each other, keep communication open.  Don’t be afraid to talk and get your feelings out.” – Linlee, St. Louis Mo
* “We learned from the first attempt at IVF years ago that we both deal with disappointment and hurt differently. She needed to talk. I clammed up. We learned to cut each other some slack.” – Nick, St Louis, Mo

Know your limits as a couple: 
* “Know what your stopping point is, whether it be injectables, in vitro, etc.  Communicate well, and support each other through the entire process.” – Jennifer  
* “Only take the steps you are both willing to take. Once one pushes the other past that point, there can be resentment. Everything needs to be talked through completely so both of you know where the stopping point will be.” – Mike, Illinois 
* “Set up your own time table on when you want to take the next step! Only do what you feel comfortable with. IVF is not necessarily for everyone- it wasn’t for us!  TRUST your instinct, TRUST your partner, TRUST your doctor!”  – Kate, Breese IL

When it comes to the doctor stuff: 
* “I think it is helpful when my husband goes to appt. with me. Even if they are simple. You never know when the emotions are going to kick in. I’ve really lost it in the dr. office before.” – Stacey, IL 

Attitude makes a big difference: 
* “Just learn to roll with it… NO ONE should ever have to deal with infertility, but there is obviously a bigger picture out there that we can’t see yet.” – Kate 
* “Don’t get down on yourself when something doesn’t go as planned, in this process it usually seems 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  Keep a positive attitude, about yourself, and with your partner.” – Jennifer 

Show The Love: 
* “This time around we have both made an effort to do more of those little things that make each other feel loved. I’ll often call her on her lunch break to tell her I’m thinking of her. A week ago I left a sappy card and a rose in her car.  When I’ve had a long day, she walks the dog so I can relax. The other day she baked my favorite kind of cake. We’ve become affectionate toward each other – a quick kiss here, an extra hug there.” Nick

Run away from home together: 
* “One thing that we did before I was pregnant and then again before our little one was born was to take a mini, local vacation together.  We didn’t really have the money or vacation time to take off out of town, but we still just needed a break from reality.  So, we rented a hotel room downtown STL, got someone to babysit the dogs and went out to a fancy dinner and stayed in a hotel room overlooking the arch.” – Amber, O’Fallon MO

Stay connected to close friends
* “… the rollercoaster of infertility definitely knocked us down more than a few times… but having a strong support system makes the failed cycles a little easier. - Kate
* We reached out to some friends who are going through the same issues. We’ll go to dinner or have them over. That has been a big help for us. We can commiserate and laugh about some of the stranger parts of the process.” - Nick

Last but not least:    
* As hard as it is, be patient. I think many people think they will start treatment right away. Most doctors require many tests that can take months.  Be ready for the rollercoaster of emotions. Cry everyday if you need to, whatever it takes to get you through it.” – Linlee

Photo from guardian.co.uk

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“Infertility sucks,” a friend of mine once remarked. Many couples who have experienced the agony of infertility, would quickly co-sign that statement. Afterall, infertility affects couples of all ages across all economic backgrounds in a plethora of ways large and small. 

Many couples who embark on the quest to conquer this obstacle are aware of the toll it can exact on the ole’ pocketbook and body. But how does it affect the couple’s relationship? Does it change the way a couple views and relates to each other?  Those were the questions I set out to answer when I interviewed several parents living on both sides of the Arch.

Linlee remembers vividly the initial emotions she and her husband grappled with.

“At first it was rough, lots of tears, questions, scared what the other would think,” the St. Louis native admitted. “There was fear that one would leave the other if they couldn’t produce a child etc.,”

Katie, a resident of Breese, IL, said one of the most difficult parts in the early days was comprehending the news.

“I don’t think either of us really knew how to deal with it—I had a hard time understanding why ‘everyone else could get pregnant’ but we couldn’t…”

As for Katie’s husband?

“He didn’t understand it either, but mostly he didn’t know how to comfort me. Over time, we argued more and more because we wanted a child so badly and couldn’t have one.”

Mike, another Illinoisan, mentioned the impact infertility had on the intimate aspect of he and his wife’s marriage.

“It put unnecessary stress on our relationship and sex life,” he divulged. ”It turned our sex life into more of a (this has to work) situation.”

Fertility issues can also create a feeling of helplessness for a couple. Another Illinois resident voiced how difficult that can be. 

“Couldn’t be pinned on me, couldn’t be pinned on him,” Stacey shared. ”You would think that we would be happy to hear that, but sometimes it is worse. I’m the kind of person that says, ‘Ok, here’s the problem. Let’s fix it.’  When you can’t find the problem….you can’t fix it.”

Each person interviewed stressed that communicating with their partner, during such a gut-wrenching time, is key.  

“Don’t be afraid to talk and get your feelings out. Cry everyday if you need to, whatever it takes to get you through it,” Linlee said.

 But sometimes a couple or a spouse needs the benefit of a third party first.

“Eventually I saw a counselor to help me deal with my (emotional) issues of infertility and also how to deal with ‘everyone else’ having kids,” Katie added. “I had a lot of jealousy issues towards our family and friends who seemed to be popping kids out left and right. Talking with the counselor DEFINITELY helped me deal with those issues AND helped me be able to communicate my feelings better to my husband- my better communication skills helped him understand how I was feeling and our relationship got better again.”

And for Mike and his honey, in addition to talking things through, they put in place an added measure. 

“…when we weren’t ‘trying’, we made sure the sex was spontaneous.”

The encouraging news? According to all of them, the lessons learned throughout their respective journeys weren’t easy but with the benefit of hindsight, valuable.

“As hard as it was dealing with infertility it honestly made our marriage as solid as possible,” Linlee noted. She and her husband now have an active and sweet little girl. “We joke now that if we could get through that then we can get through anything.”

Mike and his wife’s story has a happy ending too. They have two beautiful daughters. “I think it only helped strengthen (our relationship) because we were working toward a common goal and when it did happen, we enjoyed the outcome.”

Katie and her husband, who are now in the midst of night time feedings and diaper changes, echoed Mike and Linlee’s sentiments.

“We learned that to make this baby thing work, we had to work as a team and just had to go with the flow! Overall, I do think we are much stronger people because of it,” Katie said. ”Dang, if we can make it through the struggles of infertility without killing each other, I think we’ll be okay!”

*Something that didn’t quite “fit” into the article but I felt was incredibly important was a comment Stacey made regarding secondary fertility — an issue many couples experience. We discussed the importance of communication and being able to lean on not just your spouse but others within your network. She added, “I can say one thing that DOESN’T help is when someone says, ‘Maybe you should just be happy with the one you have.’ Not helpful! I know what it is like to have a sibling, and I want that for my daughter.”

**I know there’s a bunch of people who just nodded their heads in agreement. And I wanted to note this on their behalf.

***Part two, which includes how couples can feel more connected through this experience, will post on Friday.

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By Bonnie Krueger

When my son Adam’s hamster Little Dude died recently, my heart broke along with his. There was nothing I could do to take away his pain. As a parent, I desperately want to protect my children from the emotional gunk of life. After Little Dude had celebrated his first birthday, I gently reminded Adam that the odds were that he would not live to see another one. Good or bad, hamster life spans are short—averaging two years or less.

Still, when Adam found him lifeless in his cage, my son was devastated. Fortunately, I was surprising my kids later that day by the arrival of a friend’s dog. We were pet-sitting for the week and I had decided to make Bandit’s arrival a surprise. We had watched him earlier in the year, too, and the kids thoroughly enjoyed him. It was the perfect distraction from the sadness Adam was feeling.

As I walked through the early stages of Adam’s grief this summer, I reflected back on my own grieving process when my mom passed away. Grief was not an emotion I was entirely comfortable dealing with.

Despite losing all my grand parents and various other relatives, it was not something I had ever experienced with such intensity as losing a parent. I was fortunate that my parents lived near-by and I talked with her on the phone and saw her in person often. Yet, after her pancreatic cancer diagnosis, there was sadness with each visit or conversation.

My mom was experiencing her own grief and coming to terms with the terminal diagnosis. She wanted to survive….she wanted to see her 5 grandchildren grow into adulthood and enjoy the golden years with her husband of 45 years. My mom grappled with why God was allowing her to experience such a painful and horrible end. She felt like she had suffered enough as a child. This was supposed to be her time to enjoy life. She did not want her family to watch her die.

There was a lot of sadness for me, too, in her final months—reminders of a life that was going to be lived without her in it. I thought that having a chance to say goodbye and prepare for her to die would make my pain less. I was wrong.

After she died, what surprised me the most was how alone I felt in my grief.  Not that my friends and family did not understand what I was feeling, but rather, few people rallied behind me to proactively provide a listening ear and be strong when I was feeling weak. Despite having a large group of girl friends who had lost their mother, only a few regularly checked in on me and supported me. And it was only my best friend of 20 years who rallied behind me on a daily basis.

It was because of the aloneness I felt that I turned to a self-help book by Hope Edelman “Motherless Daughters” that really helped me work through the emotions I was feeling. Out of the book, there have been dozens of support groups created throughout the United States, including one in St. Louis.

Having an intimate group of women in various stages of life to turn to has been invaluable. They span every age group and life experience—some having lost their mothers as a young child, and others, well into their adulthood like me. While I rarely attend the meetings now, there is comfort in knowing that the group is there if I need them.  

Still, it is through writing that I have found my greatest healing.  As a family genealogist, capturing who my mother was on paper has provided the most comfort to me. One of my greatest regrets is that my daughter, who was only 2 ½ when my mom died, will never know her grandma on a personal level. Even my son, who was 7 at the time, has only faint and distant memories of his grandma.  Capturing her personality and life story on paper is truly priceless to me—and sharing her memory beyond my circle of friends is a privilege.

On the cusp of my son’s grief is my own heightened sense of loss as the three year anniversary of my mom’s death is approaching. Perhaps this anniversary is one that will always bring me pain and the heightened feelings of missing her —or perhaps it is one that will fade with time. Grief is personal and unpredictable.  What I have found is that it’s not the big reminders of her that are difficult—it’s the unexpected reminders like a song at church, or her favorite flower sitting in a friend’s vase. It is simply a fact of life.

Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that grief is a process of ups and downs. Grief is not something to ‘overcome’, but rather to learn to deal with when those feelings are overwhelming, as they will be time and time again.

Bonnie Krueger is a mom living in West County. In 2009, she began her first blog Inside My Head found at http://bonsbrain.blogspot.com/ . She began a second blog devoted solely to the memory and unique story of her mom– Heart Speaks found at http://bonsheart.blogspot.com/.

Photo found at www.Disciplestoday.org.

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Now on this particular day, at this particular moment, my hubby was on my sh*t list for something he hadn’t even realized had deeply hurt me. So I began reading the premise of the book. And as I saw some of the flash cards, my mood softened.

I have a difficult time pin-pointing my feelings at times. Sometimes fear and anger and sadness all feel the same way. And sometimes I can feel something and not really understand the why’s behind it. And if you’re unsure as to what that emotion is, how on earth can you properly articulate it?

Dr. Nancy suggests the next time you’re in the midst of a heated argument thumb through the flash cards to show your honey how you’re feeling.

The cards get the message across in a much more loving, nonemotionally charged way. And there are flash cards for all sorts of messages like setting limits, feeling vulnerable, taking responsibility, apologizing and getting clarification.

And in case your wondering what some of those messages are?  Here’s a few examples. On giving information, “I know I’m pretty shut down right now… but I promise I’ll be back.” On shifting gears, “This feels awful. Can we start again and really listen to each other?” On feeling vulnerable, “It’s frightening to me that we see things so differently.”

See? Much more loving. I’m thinking that this would be a great bridal shower or wedding present. And even couples who’ve been together awhile can even benefit from this book.

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J. is quiet and laid back. Seth is loud and defintely a “Type A kind” of kid. J. is the ying to Seth’s yang. While their personalities are different, they are both sensitive little souls who bonded early over shared interests like most best friends do. And over the years as their love for Matchbox cars has evolved into a passion for Star Wars and Legos, their friendship has remained as strong as ever.

I always looked at this friendship as a good thing, that his connection with J. was something that enriched the lives of both boys. But apparently some pyschologists and educators are beginning to question whether kids should have best friendships. Some say having having a best friend hinders a child’s emotional growth.

“I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,” said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. “We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”

“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”

This last quote made me think, “Whu?” But there’s a reason behind this line of thought. According to an article on this issue by the New York Times, the reasoning behind such a perspective stems from the bullying issue.  The bonds of best buds  “signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.”

If a child has one friend and refuses to socialize with others and won’t let the best friend have other friends, I can see the point of concern. But that’s not the case with Seth and J. They’ve always been in seperate classrooms (expect for preschool) and have friends within their classroom but enjoy meeting up at recess. They both have other friends they are very close to outside of school. They know each other’s friends. But there’s no jealousy there. They don’t question each other’s loyalty to the other. They know they can rely on each other.

According to an article in the New York Times, there are some psychologists who believe that “close childhood friendships not only increase a child’s self-esteem and confidence, but also help children develop the skills for healthy adult relationships — everything from empathy, the ability to listen and console, to the process of arguing and making up.”

These experts are raise an interesting point noting that adults shouldn’t intervene in these friendships.

“If children’s friendships are choreographed and sanitized by adults, the argument goes, how is a child to prepare emotionally for both the affection and rejection likely to come later in life?”

I agree. Adulthood is a difficult enough transition for most people. If we jump into our kids’ friendships, especially when nothing seems to be wrong, are we really helping them?

Anyone else want to share a thought? Feel free to do so!

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A week ago some girlfriends and I set out to celebrate new starts and life journeys. It got me thinking about how important (and necessary) my friends are to me. Of course rich, rewarding friendships are important to many a woman. And they’re healthy for us too. In fact, a study at Harvard found that social ties help maintain brain function in old age.

Personally, I think those friendships keep our brains healthy because our girlfriends are the people who keep us sane when men or children drive us crazy. Dear friend Dana, from Ballwin MO, thinks I might be on to something.

“I would be a basketcase without friends,” she writes. “My friends are so important to me because I can count on them for anything from the stupidest thing to the scariest thing.  They always try to help me escape the horrors of the problems and make things better. Friends can be like a mini vacation away from all the crazy things going on.”

Getting together with good friends is good for the body as well - a University of Michigan study has identified that feeling emotionally close to a friend increases levels of the hormone progesterone, which helps to boost well-being and reduce anxiety and stress. 

Michelle S of Aviston, IL and I were talking recently about the benefits of long term friendships. (We’ve been friends since freshman year of high school. She’s known a few of the girls within our group even longer than I have.) She was quickly able to list a number of benefits that mean the most to her.

“My friends remember things I may have forgotten. To get together and reminisce, reminds me of one of the great times in my life. It doesn’t matter what kind of clothes I wear or what kind of car I drive, they like me anyway. Since I don’t have a sister, my girlfriends are my ‘sisters’,” she says.

Melissa H. from Beckemeyer, IL thinks friendship, especially long-running ones, can help us tap into the women we used to be.

“Over time we morph into “chelsea’s mom or Bill’s wife” and we lose who we are a little.  We have to wear so many hats these days.  Being with friends reminds us of when we were the most important people in our world. We were permitted to be a little self centered.  Which we aren’t permitted to do as mom’s and wives.  There is always someone else’s needs that we put in front of our own.  It’s nice to be that carefree spirit that we were when the relationships were established.”

Melissa looks to her girlfriends for inspiration on parenting, marriage and life lessons.

“I think it definitely helps having input from your friends,” she says.  

Michelle does as well. And often, when grappling with a relationship, career or parenting issue, it helps women to realize no one’s life is perfect.

“My girlfriends make me realize, I’m not alone in the challenges of life, they go through the same things and they come out ok, so I know I can too,” she notes. “Their kids do the same stupid things mine do… I guess they really are normal.”

 Rebecca J. of St. Charles, MO agrees, chiming in, “When you get together with friends (and I don’t do enough of this), you share issues related to your significant other, children, work or whatever.  It usually turns out that a friend is dealing with something similar, and that makes you feel better.  There’s also usually laughing involved, and when isn’t that helpful?”

There have been many a times my girlfriends and I have talked about how we plan to grow old together. Maybe even hang out Golden Girls style.

Apparently we aren’t the first to think along those lines. A new trend has emerged among aging Baby Boomer gal pals—moving in, as spouses pass away (or never materialize) or divorce occurs or with an eye towards growing old together. It makes sense financially and emotionally. As we age, our social networks become smaller. Yet we still crave a feeling of connection and enjoy conversation.

In other words, children grow up and move away. Romantic relationships come and go. But nuture those female friendships now. You’ll always be glad you did.

And for those hopping to celebrate their friendships with a Girls’ Night Out? Girls Guide to the Galaxy has some great ideas! 

Photo from Fitnessguideservice.com

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